just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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