Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize