you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of course I have a pirate flag
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
