i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
