yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
