I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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