So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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