living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
