Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
