i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
