It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize