You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
