A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize