I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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