If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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