Someone shit on the floor
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize