haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
