your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
