Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
