I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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