Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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