Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
