I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
