So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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