Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
