Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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