i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
