half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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