After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
