It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
