Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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