You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
