God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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