Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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