i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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