he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
