He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize