No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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