Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
