So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
