I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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