some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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