I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
