Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
