I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
