If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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