so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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