are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
