he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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