if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
