I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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