260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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