I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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