Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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