Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's always time for handjobs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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