As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this just has baby written all over it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
