Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize