sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize