I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize