i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
