I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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