I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize