Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
