grandma shit on top of the toilet
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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