the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
