she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
